It’s been a while since I last posted a blog. I’ve been meaning to write a blog but I always find myself being distracted by other things. A lot has changed and it would be impossible for me to write all that has occurred.

Let me just say this first, I love my family. They’re great people but… I have to vent so here it goes…

I am in great distress. Many people I once shared my time and joy with are all a memory of what use to be. I feel unappreciated by family and friends. Guess you can say I’m really torn. Constantly my parents compare me to my brothers. The one’s whom my parents refer to as “the good children out of the family” or “the well behaved ones”. And I, I’m the “spoiled” or “ungrateful” one. Of course if I said this to them they would all disagree. My parents speaks highly and continuously of their successful boys. Oh how great they have finished school, moved out and work with the “white man”. I… I’m the one who’s 22 and haven’t finished college. I work full time for a corporation. Do I get any credit for that? Absolutely not. Yet I’m expected now to pay for all the bills. Okay… so I pay for the bills… then groceries… then I have my expenses. Now do I get any credit? Do I get to be apart of your “well my kid” stories? Of course not. I did not finish college so that means I have achieved nothing. Save? What is that? My father says “good children give their parent’s money.” I’m sorry father; I can’t give you money and pay for your bills. I can only do one, so which one is it? “What do you mean you can’t do both? What do you do with all your money? The bills aren’t that expensive.” I don’t mean to speak negatively of my brother but wth! If they’re so great why don’t they help out? The educated doing oh so well brothers! My mother speaks in their defense of course, you’re brothers are on their own now and they have their own bills…. Is that so mother? WELL I HAVE YOUR BILLS AND MY OWN! Hey parents… how about a THANK YOU. I don’t understand this I really don’t. It’s unfair for me. I’m not even appreciated. Whatever my parents want, whatever they tell me to buy, whatever they want to eat, WHATEVER THEY WANT, I get. But if I disagree with them on anything they tell me I have a bad attitude or this behavior isn’t okay, look at you, who’s going to want you as their wife. Thanks. Thanks a lot. No seriously, THANKS A LOT! And I’ve always struggled with my weight and it plays a huge role in my self esteem. Every time I see my brothers…. Hey sis school isn’t for everyone but you’re not that everyone. Hey umm…. You need to exercise…. Hey don’t eat that… or that… gaining more weight?.... you really should get a boyfriend….. Hmm…. Thanks for the ego boost bro, really needed it. Thanks for the confidence, no really. Why don’t you take all your comments and shove it. Here’s my question to them….. are you even proud of me? Have you ever been? Do you know your sister is unhappy? Are you ashamed of me? Are you aware of any of these things? No, you’re not. Do you remember the last time you visit mom and dad? Last phone call? Helped out at home? Yeah I can’t remember either.

Friends… let’s just make it short cause I’m losing patience with all the typing I have to do. I can count all the good ones in one hand.

One good thing I am very content with my dating life =)

well hello there! haha its been a while since i last updated my xanga. damn so much has happend since then i dont even know where to begin. Lets see here, the date is thursday august 4th, 2005 @ GCC Summer Session.... i'm in the damn library (yes fuckers i go to the library alright) lol and theres nothing to do fucking a, haha my class starts pretty soon, at 6:20p.m. to be excat and it ends at 10pm. bleh.... math is so gay. Alright lets start this thing already shall we.

School- its the same thing, boring as hell. I'm current taking a math class during summer session. and omfg its boring!!!! get so god damn sleepy in that damn class man. Summer session ends in the last week of august and fall begins in August 31st!!!!!! wtf!!!!! blah!!!! When fall begins i'm going to be a full time student which means i'm going to be more stressed out! (-_-)

Work- ehhh same thing it never changes lol

At home- its not bad, things at home are pretty cool dude i love watching tv! hahaha its freaken awesome! =P

Friends- well i guess its always gonna be drama rama i suppose. but its ok i still got the good ones around, the so-so ones near by, and the blah ones away from me. haha

And the fellas- ooooo boy isn't this always an interesting subject to write about. Well i'm not saying anything  hahahahaha if you really wanna know, well, you know how to get a hold of me LOL!!!! jk jk but seriously though i aint saying nuttin! haha

ok i'm getting sleepy as fuck and i aint even in class yet! fucking a! well it was nice boring u guys again. take it easy k! buhbaiz <333

FEBURARY 27^TH, 2005

Listening to:  FRANKIE J- WANNA KNOW

I’m back and ready to update everyone on what’s going on in my life.  School finally started about two weeks ago.  Man it’s been hectic with all the homework and studying. Extremely ridiculous I tell you, my math professor assigns about 300 math problems per night every night.  Can you believe that? Sometimes I’m up till three in the morning finishing up the assignments. She’s crazy I tell you. During the first week of class we had a quiz and a chapter test. FIRST WEEK OF CLASS!!!!  Man this chick must hate the world. Haha Oh well I have to take this class so I’ll suck it up and get through it. I’m also taking two English classes ones reading and the other is writing. Two very interesting classes, so it shouldn’t be a problem passing. Enormous amount of reading and homework as well, and I only have these two classes twice a week so it shouldn’t be a problem. My reading class assigns two novels that we must read one is called GO ASK ALICE and the other one is called THE CLIENT. I haven’t started on The Client yet, but I have begun reading GO ASK ALICE it’s a really great book. The professor wasn’t lying once you start you just keep on going because it’s such a good book. Enough about the reading class lets get into the writing one. Writing class in Glendale isn’t too bad, the professor is very energetic. Plus, just about everything we need to keep updated with the class is online. This class as well has many assignments given to the students. Its pretty hectic as my math class, but this English writing class only meets twice a week so it isn’t to bad. Okay enough about school, I bet I’m boring the heck out of you guys. Honestly I would have to say this is the first time I ever written so much about school. Usually it would just be a couple of sentences as of now there is just so much to say. Haha I guess I have changed a lot these past few months, but it’s for the better.

            Let’s jump to the next subject I would like to talk about my friends now. I guess you can say lately I’ve seen a lot of old faces. Just the other day I was hanging out with Donna at Jamba Juice. Actually, I didn’t stay to long because I had a lot of homework but I mean it was nice seeing her. Later on that night I picked up Kate to hang out at Tap-X (how Donna would call it) we were there for a little while. Caught up with each others hectic lives, it was fun and Kate we most definitely have to do this again soon ok. Oh I also have to mention Shuling, my fobby friend. I hang out with Shuling as much as possible. She’s my fob friend and we do fobby things together. CHINESE MOVIES!!!!! HAHAHAHAHA  Shuling likes Edison more then Nicholas and I adore Nicholas more then Edison but we both like Daniel as much! LOL!!!!  I’m really happy Shuling and I have put our differences in the past, which we now have such a good friendship. I totally love that girl she’s very understanding. Oh yeah, a few months ago I saw LISA Q. she looks the same no difference. I also spoke wit Cynthia on Shulings phone, she’s the same. Oh yeah my friends Kenny and Casper haha I haven’t seen those two for a while and then finally we all reunite @ Sunday café haha!

            Moving on to another topic I would like to mention relationships. As all you know I’m still single and hating it!  LOL Been a very long time since my last relationship, I would say a little over a year. Even though I used to be out there partying enjoying life, man it was lonesome. You then realize it’s not the place to be, all your surroundings are wild party animals. With that said there’s no way you can find a boyfriend from those places, yet you can find many friends. The guys I meet just don’t cut it none of them have that qualities that I am looking for.  See everyone thinks I’m too picky, it has nothing to do with picky, it’s just the fact that I refuse to settle for less. Believe me guys it’s been a real challenge dealing with being single. I have grown so much as a human, facing life’s many problems alone. Keeping my head up during the darkest days of my life wasn’t easy. These past few months were really difficult I had so much anger inside. Everything was dragging me down which cause me great frustration. You might think where does this fall into my relationship paragraph? Well it does. In the past I always had someone to help me and be there when I needed a shoulder to cry on. When I was in the worst mood ever I was able to call that person and just vent to them. Hearing them say, “Everything is going to be ok, I’m here for you”  gives you a sense of security which every girl out there needs. This past year and so and so months of being single has made me a stronger person. I struggled and learned from all my experiences. What keeps me going is that you never know when it’s going to be your day to go so I try my hardest to make everyday a good one. No matter how much stress it brings upon me I try to fix it and get on with my life. Yet of course I truly miss having a boyfriend.  Not to depend on them but having someone to love and care for. I miss the couple events a great amount. For example, Friday night out of town for dinner and shopping, Saturday blockbuster night, and Sunday midmorning brunch. *sighs* I need a guy to keep me sane. Just to fill that emptiness inside my heart. The thing is I don’t want to meet anyone new I would like to be able to start over with an ex from the past, sounds dumb doesn’t it?  Hear me out though before you think I really lost my mind. LoL!!!! Think about it for a second, why would I say this? I’m not saying I would just run back to any of my ex-boyfriends but the ones you are still in good terms with (friends). Starting over with an ex-boyfriend would be a good thing after a long time away from the breakup. People change and sometimes it’s for the better. Maybe the flaws you once noticed and hated possibly aren’t there anymore. Then why not give it another try, I mean you already know each other well enough to not expect the unexpected right? You should think about it =]  Anyhow its late and I’m tired so I’m going to end it here. Goodnight readers…

xOxO

-flora your fobber =]